Lang Goes 96

You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Calm down, this isn’t depressing. It’s a story. For 3 days and 2 nights, I was without water. It’s something like Hanukkah. We lost it on Friday. The pipes froze, or something. I don’t know how that happens. It’s fucking 4 degrees here all the time. How do you not plan for that shit? Not that big of a deal to me though. I can manage. Fucking stupid. I was like, “Meh. It’s just water. I can poo elsewhere.” So that I did. Sorry Target. Well I’m not sorry, I bought a fountain drink so I didn’t feel super bad. (Oh like cumming, cumming) It’s not like I walked in, did the dirty and left. But besides that, I had no real concerns. I brushed my teeth with bottled water, and went to bed Friday night. Saturday I woke up. Still no water. No worry. Bottled water it is. At this point, I had used the one flush my toilet had in it. Needed to pee. So cold outside. Too cold. Shower? Can you do that while you aren’t taking a shower? Too risky. I just woke up, I can’t drive anywhere. Won’t drive anywhere. I just used the toilet. At this point, it’s and indoor port a potty.  This is where I first started to realize. The day goes on. Back to Target. Actually Wal-Mart this time. They have a Sub Way. I love that place. You know that Italian BMT sub? Brooklyn Manhattan Transit. OH! BECAUSE ITS SUBWAY. I felt so stupid when I first heard that from some random subway employee I was playing WoW with. Anyway, back water. The lack of rather. No shower doesn’t really bother me at this point. It’s only been 24 hours. I can last at least 48. Lang goes like 96 by choice. That’s probably not true, but he definitely goes hard. Halfway through the day the water starts to drip from the sink faucet. A hope? A chance! It stops soon after. Of course. By the end of day 2 I am losing my shit man. I’m ALMOST Bear Grylls at this point though. Peeing everywhere but the toilet, brushing my teeth with bottled water, not showering, no laundry, no dishes. Ok, some things didn’t change. Point being, I literally might as well be in some Taiwanese jungle. I went to bed, hopeful. The next morning. Day 3. No water. I was planning on going to Pirate Caravan with my friends, but I can’t shower. I don’t smell really. But my hair. It’s gone to shit. I can’t have my hair fucked up. It means too much to me. Now my room mates are fed up. They have way more initiative than me. They call the land lord, demand a hotel room. He says he will come over and check out the situation. Right. The situation. There’s no water, pipes are frozen jack ass. So we wait. You never notice the noise of a toilet flushing in the apartment above you until you have poo envy. So much fucking envy. Speaking of poo envy. That is the worst fucking movie of all time. Never watch it. The water comes back soon after. Literally 5 minutes before our landlord gets there. ANTI-CLIMACTIC ENDING. Damn shame though. I wanted to see the negotiations. I did’t need a hotel room. By now I could have won every Survivor. At the same time. I still wanted to see our landlord talk his way out of it. Aesop’s fables moral of the story: Living without water is no fun. Bonus moral: It’s pretty tolerable though.

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~ by drewschuerholz on January 25, 2011.

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